Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook by Douglas Sarine

Author:Douglas Sarine
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780307449641
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2008-09-09T04:00:00+00:00

Where are the Aziza†50 of my laziness

Eaten by the Wion‡51 of my Sleipnir§52 spirit

Distant Fomorian**53 echoes of a flimsy Homonculus††54

Crushed by the Marakihan‡‡55 of hard action

Merit Badges

Why would those who are not seen need marks of recognition for things that there is no trace of their ever doing? Good question. That’s why real ninjas don’t use merit badges. The merit badge system was created to (1) push practitioners beyond the capacity of their will and skill in the ninja things they do and (2) force practitioners to try new activities that make them vomit, faint, or lose control of their poophole. Think of a merit badge as an invitation*56 to explore†57 an exciting‡58 ninja subject, a way of enticing you to fully probe the depth and intricacy of ninja training.

Why merit badges? Colored belts seemed childish and forearm brands from red-hot cauldron ceremonies were a scheduling nightmare and costing a fortune in rice paper. So it’s merit badges.

The emblem on each badge shows that you have been tested by a master in a given skill and have lived to wear it. Many pursuers of the path have found deathlong hobbies or inspiration for great dark pledges of honor through their merit badge work. Sword master Charlie the Chopper testifies that his love of delimbing things started while angling for his Hacking and Whacking badge.

Merit advancement demands that you move at ninja speed. Rather than competing against others of equal skill, you have a master who will bring you great pain and dislocations if you do not progress at a rate that pleases him. Each distinction of darkness will be harder than herding coked-up fireflies at a rave.

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